![]() ![]() (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.ģ5. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.ģ4. ![]() Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.ģ3. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.ģ2. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.ģ1. The Irish MPs are not after ‘Me frosted lucky charms’.ģ0. Don’t take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).Ģ9. Don’t tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).Ģ8. Never tell a German soldier that ‘We kicked your ass in World War 2!’Ģ7. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.Ģ6. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.Ģ5. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.Ģ4. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.Ģ3. May no longer perform my now (in)famous ‘Barbie Girl Dance’ while on duty.ġ9. God may not contradict any of my orders.ġ8. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ‘Sampson like powers’.ġ7. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to ‘Sic Brass!’ġ6. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.ġ5. Not allowed to join the communist party.ġ4. Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on Government time.ġ1. Not allowed to title any product ‘Get Over it’.ġ0. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.ĩ. Not allowed to add ‘In accordance with the prophesy’ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.Ĩ. Not allowed to play ‘Pulp Fiction’ with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.ħ. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.Ħ. Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.ĥ. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.Ĥ. My proper military title is ‘Specialist Schwarz’ not ‘Princess Anastasia’.ģ. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I’m supposed to be working.Ģ. The 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the U.S. The first time I met him he was wearing a kilt made of fruit roll-ups. #Random things lesser magic bean freeFeel free to email him with whatever questions you might have, and don’t be concerned about whether or not he knows you or even if he understands what the hell you’re talking about. He’s also one of the Universe’s great agents of Chaos and Discord. The site hadn’t been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away but the list is classic, so I saved it.įirst, a word of intro For those of you that don’t really know Skippy, he’s a friend of mine that, in a sad state of sobriety, decided to join the Army. He collected those things into a hilarious list and posted them to the web. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn’t allowed to do. Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. Here is the List as I captured it many moons ago. But, since the site has been down for a couple of years, I will repost what I had. Normally I would excerpt a few items off the list and then link through to Skippy’s own page. ![]() However, I wold venture to guess that almost anyone that has served in the military since the Korean War era can relate to a large number of these. Skippy’s list post-dates my own service in the military. ![]()
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